Firstly, I want to acknowledge the delay in updating this blog. The reason for this is the significant events that unfolded in July. I took a trip to Aotearoa, New Zealand, for a whanau (family) event and began my studies for a Bachelor of Dementia Care, which has greatly influenced the content of this update. So, welcome back, and I hope you will find my experiences helpful regarding using some creative and flexible strategies.
The freedom to be creative and flexible in caregiving is not just a luxury but a powerful tool that can foster personal growth, enrich shared experiences, and strengthen you as a carer. It’s essential to be creative and adaptable when providing care. If one method isn’t practical, feel free to try another. Techniques can also be reused. Just because something doesn’t work now doesn’t mean it won’t work in the future, and vice versa. Remember, creativity and adaptability are not just functional; they are essential and can give you the confidence to navigate the challenges of caregiving.
Pai tu, Pai Hinga , Na wai ra , Ka Oti! Good to stand, Good to fall, Continue, and eventually the work is completed.
I’d like to share some strategies that have helped me make my mother’s day out or holiday more enjoyable and less stressful. It’s important to remember that people are impacted by dementia in varying ways, so while some of these strategies may be helpful, others may not be.
Let’s begin with :
A Plan:
It’s essential to plan ahead when preparing for a holiday, a local community functions or family occasions, especially when considering the needs of a loved one with dementia. However, it’s crucial to approach it with flexibility. Ensuring that the journey is enjoyable and stress-free is absolutely critical. When you’re flexible, you can handle unexpected problems quickly, gently, and effectively. Being flexible doesn’t just mean responding to things as they happen; it also means being prepared to make significant changes in how you think, work, and act. This preparedness empowers you and makes you capable of handling any situation.
Be Ready:
I’m continually inspired by my mother’s remarkable resilience. Her unwavering spirit, a constant reassurance that she’s still here, is a source of hope for me. This is why I meticulously plan for holidays or even a simple day out. I’ve faced some tough moments, like when she insists, ‘I’m not a child; I can manage on my own.’ This can leave me feeling perplexed and disheartened. I’ve come to understand that the need to maintain a sense of control often leads to resistance to help in the early stages of dementia. However, as the disease has progressed, our relationship has evolved, and she has become more reliant on me, deepening our connection. There are inventive ways to assist without them always realising they’re being helped.
Supporting someone with dementia can be challenging, significantly, when they change their mind at the last minute. It’s essential to be patient and prepared for unexpected changes, which can occur more frequently than expected. I understand that it can be frustrating, but patience is not just a virtue, it’s a necessity in these situations. Please remember to stay calm and take deep breaths. Acknowledge or accept the change without them knowing you had a plan in place. Try to keep things as calm as possible and avoid expressing your frustration at the change. Your patience is key to navigating these moments.
Caregiving often calls us to lean into love we didn’t know possible
Tia Walker
Continue with your routine, a steady anchor in the midst of change. But remember, you can be creative within this structure. Make gradual suggestions in your conversation, finding new ways to engage and connect. Your routine, coupled with your creativity, can be a powerful tool in supporting someone with dementia.
Here are some strategies that I use:
Write a message and start with a cheerful greeting, such as “The sun is shining brightly today, and it is a good day for an outing: Ata Marie! Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
Have clothing prepared for the day. I always lay out a couple of choices so she can decide.
Keep her room warm, and if she is moving into the shower, have everything handy and easy to reach.
Write what is happening today on the timetable or a notepad. I use a whiteboard for me as reminders for the day and week. Mum enjoys reading this, so I have added her name to the whiteboard.
In preparation for a journey away, I pack her bag with her standing next to me. Sometimes, however, I need to repack, but I do this without her knowing. This may seem strange, but when my mother packs, she will unpack immediately, thinking we have already been away. This is quite common with a person who has dementia, as the sense of time has no comprehension.
Remember creativity will empower you and make you feel more resourceful in your caregiving journey.
Since we just returned from my home in Aotearoa, I want to share a recent experience with you about how important flexibility is and how being creative about being flexible can make a journey for someone with dementia as comfortable and non-stressful for you both as possible. As my mother’s carer, I’ve learned that maintaining a familiar routine is not just important; it’s crucial. It can be challenging at times, but the sense of security and peace it brings to both my mother and me is invaluable. Prioritising her safety and comfort is vital in making her feel secure, especially when her regular routine is disrupted, or she’s outside her comfort zone. This is why a flexible approach, coupled with thorough preparation, is essential.
Some Things I Do:
I make it a point to bring a notepad everywhere we go so my mom can keep up with our whereabouts and what’s happening. Short and sweet is preferable to long and drawn out, so be brief while providing enough information and showing empathy in your message. Stay authentic with the person you care about because you know them best. As an additional distraction from her immediate environment, I also write notes in Te Reo Maori; this brings her a smile, and if I have written it wrong she will correct me. Another great thing about writing it down is that you won’t have to repeat yourself as much as well.
When you reserve your plane ticket, make sure your seat is near the toilets; my mom will go quite regularly if she is agitated or distressed these are signs that I recognise so prepare before time is so important.
Arriving at the departure area well before your flight’s scheduled departure time is a key to avoiding last-minute frantic trips to baggage claim, the flight ticket booth, and dealing with your loved one’s confused thoughts. This preparation can bring a sense of relief and control to the situation.
Arranging for a wheelchair and, if necessary, someone to assist you, can provide a sense of reassurance. This eliminates the need for your loved one to stand in a queue, allowing them to sit comfortably and avoid physical exertion.
Indulge with a snack and a magazine in the departure lounge. I always have a book on hand because my mother loves word searches.
The airport can be an interesting environment, so it’s important to ensure your companion is part of all you see and hear. Engaging them in the travel experience can foster a sense of connection and understanding. There are a wealth of sights, sounds, smells, colours, and, of course, shopping options to explore together.
I previously discussed the importance of maintaining a routine, even when in a new environment. I’m proud to say that I made an effort to stick to our usual schedules for meals, bedtime, sleep, waking up, and showers. I also made sure to prepare for any necessary travel in advance. Once these routines were in place, there were no behavioural issues like agitation, distress, or anxiety. This sense of accomplishment can be a great motivator for you as a caregiver. One of the key aspects of caregiving is to stay calm, especially when the person you care for cannot. This is particularly important when responding to their behaviour, which often involves trial and error. By observing more, we can try new approaches and be better prepared to help them in the future. This learning process empowers us with knowledge and skills, making us better caregivers. It’s not just about finding what works; it’s about learning and growing, which keeps us engaged and open-minded.
