Nau Mai – Hoki Mai!

Nga mihi kia koutou o te Tau Hou, 2025

Welcome back!

As we embark on a new year brimming with thrilling adventures, aspirations, and dreams, let’s take a moment to embrace revitalisation, growth, and understanding. This year has opportunities to explore innovative ideas and enhance your knowledge. Let’s commit to a journey ahead that is rich in potential!

The quote above by Polish writer Stanislaw Jerzy Lec beautifully highlights that while youthful vitality is a natural gift, how we age and shape our lives is a deliberate act, much like creating a work of art. This inspiring perspective on aging empowers us to recognise the beauty and depth that time brings, fostering a positive attitude towards aging and encouraging the acceptance of aging.

My mother is flourishing, embodying joy and vitality as we celebrate her incredible 90th birthday. Our family gathering filled the room with laughter and love, creating unforgettable memories. I also recently completed two more papers toward my Bachelor’s Degree in Dementia Care. I’m stepping into an exciting new chapter filled with valuable insights I can’t wait to share. Our travels led us back to Aotearoa, New Zealand, for a heartwarming family reunion and a beautiful wedding in Perth. There, we joyfully reconnected with beloved family members, strengthening our bonds and creating cherished memories. Let’s make the most of these moments together!

A New Approach to Overcoming Challenges

Facing challenges is inevitable, but how we approach these obstacles can make all the difference. Instead of viewing challenges as setbacks, we can see them as opportunities for growth and development. Embracing this mindset allows us to cultivate resilience and creativity, transforming difficulties into stepping stones toward success. By shifting our perspective, we empower ourselves to tackle hurdles head-on and emerge stronger than before. Let’s embrace challenges not as barriers but as valuable lessons that shape our journey.

Sharing is Caring

This blog is dedicated to sharing my real-life experiences as a carer, highlighting that you are not alone in this journey, even when it may feel isolating. I hope to connect with and uplift others navigating similar challenges by creating this supportive space. While some of my insights may resonate more than others, my goal is to provide valuable perspectives that can help in your circumstances. We can find strength and understanding together, ensuring you know you are not alone.

Dementia is a profoundly challenging disease, and witnessing a loved one retreat into a world filled with personal struggles is heartbreaking. Yet, in these challenges, we can draw strength from the love and memories we’ve shared. Each day brings its difficulties—frustration, fear, anger, and confusion—but we can honour their journey by embracing the moments of connection that shine through.

As carers, it’s essential to prioritise your well-being, too. Your unwavering dedication and sacrifices are invaluable and deeply appreciated, and by taking care of yourselves, you can continue to support those you love.

Some days are better, some days are worse. Look for the blessing instead of the curse
Be positive stay strong and get plenty rest. You can't do it all, but you can do your best

Enduring Spirit

Dr. Maya Angelou, the renowned poet, dancer, singer, activist, and author I deeply admire, shares a vital message about honoring the independence of elderly individuals, regardless of their physical frailty. When she declares, “I will only ask one favour: Don’t bring me no rocking chair,” it strikes a powerful chord. This statement highlights that, despite older adults’ health challenges, they possess unwavering pride and dignity, refusing to accept pity.

My mother is a remarkable embodiment of strength and resilience. Her fierce determination to maintain her independence is rooted in her upbringing and exemplifies her enduring spirit. Even as she navigates the difficulties of dementia, she continues to affirm her presence—mentally, physically, and emotionally.

My eyes see, my ears hear, but I am still ME, so let’s be clear. My memory may fade, my walk may slow, but I am me inside, so don’t let me go!

My Story

I’ve observed some heartfelt changes in how our family and friends interact with my mum since her diagnosis. It’s been challenging seeing her occasionally forget recent moments or struggle to recognise familiar faces she’s cherished for years. These shifts can be challenging for all of us. Sometimes, people might not entirely grasp what living with dementia entails, which can lead to misunderstandings that unintentionally affect her feelings. Watching her navigate these difficulties is genuinely heart-wrenching.

Hearing thoughts like, “Nanny doesn’t remember me” or “I hope she recognises who I am” can be painful for both her and us. It’s likely confusing for her when she feels overlooked or isn’t fully engaged. Additionally, it’s essential to be sensitive when discussing her in her presence, as it can be upsetting, even if the intentions are good. This is why spreading awareness about dementia is so vital.

I often remind everyone that even if Nanny doesn’t recall specific details about them, sharing stories and revisiting those cherished memories can help bridge that connection. Those moments can bring her warmth and joy, nurturing our treasured bond. Supporting someone with dementia truly requires compassionate and open conversations, allowing us all to navigate this journey together with understanding and love.

Prioritising Well-Being

Let’s deeply dive into what this truly means for you as a carer. Reflecting on my own experiences, I can’t stress enough how crucial it is to make self-care a priority. Caregiver burnout is a real phenomenon of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that can arise from caring for someone else. You might notice signs of fatigue, anxiety, and depression, but here’s the empowering part: you can significantly reduce the risk of burnout by embracing respite care, connecting with a support group, or seeking professional help. Prioritising your well-being is beneficial and essential for your ability to care for others effectively. Remember, seeking professional assistance can provide the support and understanding you need in your caregiving journey.

Personal Experience

I never thought I would find myself in the position of caring for my mother. My life feels like it’s on hold—at least for now. As an educator, I deeply miss working with children and having an active social life. However, rather than dwelling on what I’ve lost, I’ve focused on the positives of caring for my mother and finding ways to stay optimistic about my new situation. I also keep in mind the support of my family, including my husband, children, and grandchildren, who were the main reason we moved to Australia. Their help has been invaluable during this journey, reminding me of the importance of family in times of need.

I was in a difficult “Why Me” stage in the beginning, feeling profoundly frustrated and sad toward my siblings for not sharing the responsibility. Seeing them continue their lives as if nothing had changed while I felt overwhelmed was hard. However, a conversation with my older sister shifted my perspective. She gently reminded me, “You are the best for this role. You possess such incredible patience, and I truly believe Mum will feel safe and happy with you.” Her words sparked a transformation in my perspective. I’ve recognised this experience as a unique opportunity. I am grateful for it in many ways, and I want to share those positives with you in the hope that they may be helpful.

I am about to create a list that reflects my current thoughts, presented in no particular order. This list captures the positives that inspire me and help me navigate tough days, especially when overwhelmed. These affirmations serve as a reminder of the good in my life. I hope you enjoy these and perhaps feel inspired to create your list of positives.

Focusing on the Positives

• Seeing her smile every morning fills my heart with warmth.
• Listening to her life stories feels intimate as if they were shared just for me.
• Sharing her first language, Maori, allows me to connect with her on a deeper level.
• Watching her take on challenges fills me with admiration, even when she feels uncertain.
• Laughing together about her childhood memories lightens our spirits and strengthens our bond.
• Savouring her favourite kai (food) brings us closer, filling our time with joy.
• Having her by my side, especially as we navigate the absence of her siblings and parents, is a treasured experience.
• Having the opportunity to complete University will enable me to be a more effective carer.
• Sharing our experiences, especially when overcoming challenges or working through them, is invaluable.

There are many more, which I will share as we work through this blog.

In the next blog, I want to explore self-care and its significance in the role of a carer. I’ll share resources specifically designed for carers, focusing on the power of informal connections. These resources highlight the value of listening to and learning from others in similar positions, as their stories can provide invaluable support and guidance.

Pai Aroha!

Mahitahi - Collaboration
E hara taku toa i te toa takitahi, he toa takitini
My strength is not as an individual, but as a collective